It's All Too Much: MSTed!
by Blue Sparrowling
Summary: So while browsing TvTropes, I came across this Beatles fanfic that features Paul McCartney and a self-insert OC. And it only goes downhill from there folks, so please join me while I read what I can only describe as someone else's wet dream.
1. Chapter 1: In which sex ensues

**Hello there, BS speaking here. While browsing through TvTropes I found a link to today's fanfic, which is about The Beatles. Did I mention that I found this on the S.B.I.H (so bad it's horrible) section? And that it is a one-shot with 9,414 friggin' words? Yeah. So, let's get started!**

* * *

><p>"Oh…Paul…do it more…MORE…HARDER! FASTER! PAUL! OH PAUL!" I moaned and gasped as Paul thrust deeply inside of me.<p>

**BS: Note to fanfic authors: don't open up your fic on a sex scene. EVER.**

We breathed heavily as we rocked rhythmically back and forth together on the bed. Then I started to get this strange feeling as Paul caressed my breasts and he slid his tongue into my mouth. A feeling almost like I was coming into him, even though I knew that that was impossible.

**BS: (Paul) Honey, will you stop pissing on me while we are having sex?**

Right before he came, he pulled out, because we didn't want (or need) me to get pregnant.

**BS: Wuss.  
><strong>  
>The next morning…<p>

**BS: IN PEPPERLAND…  
><strong>  
>"I feel sick," Paul said as he clutched his stomach.<p>

**BS: Must have been a bad quesadilla.  
><strong>  
>"Oh, baby, was it something you ate last night?"<p>

**BS: See, she agrees with me!**

Before he could respond, he darted for the bathroom. When I caught up with him, he was throwing

**BS: A wild party!**

up near the toilet.

"Sweetheart? Are you okay?" I felt his forehead; he didn't really feel warm. "Paul, I'm going to get you some ginger-ale, alright?"

"Okay," he said weakly. There were tiny beads of sweat forming on his forehead. "I haven't thrown up in years," he moaned as he broke into tears.

**BS: Wuss.**

"Oh honey, it's alright, you're going to be fine…it's probably just a virus, or something…" I said, trying to comfort him.

**BS: Why is Paul acting like a baby?**

I went into the kitchen and poured some

**BS: (singing) Lime in the coconut and drank it all up!**

ginger-ale and wet down a washrag with cold water, and walked back with them to him.

When I returned to the bathroom, Paul had himself propped up against the wall, and he was EXTREMELY pale.

**BS: I don't think you needed to emphasize that word**

I helped him lie down on the floor, put the washcloth to his forehead, and propped up his head with a big fluffy pillow. He was panting, out of breath.

**BS: He must have been running from a fan girl hoard**

I guided the glass to his mouth since he was too shaky to hold it on his own. Shortly after he finished it, he passed out.

**BS: The ginger ale was laced with date-rape drugs**

"Paul? PAUL? Speak to me!" After a few minutes, his eyes slowly began to open, and he got sick again…except this time, it was on himself.

**BS: EWWW!**

"Oh Paul…" I said as he kept getting sick all over everything.

**BS: Did he get sick on a box? Did he get sick with fox? **

"I'm making you a doctor's appointment. I'll be back…" I said to him as I headed into the living room for the

**BS: Leeches**

phone.

I called his doctor,

**BS: Was it doctor Robert? **

and he said that he could see him…but it'd be about a week before until then.

So a week passed,

**BS: Making the previous sentence completely pointless**

and Paul's condition was about the same…if not worse! He seemed to be sicker in the mornings than any other time of day or night.

**BS: I don't like where this is headed  
><strong>  
>I drove Paul to the doctor's that day.<p>

**BS: (Singing) Baby you can drive my car! **

I waited several hours in the waiting room for him, worrying the whole time.

Finally, after 5 hours, he came out, and he wore a VERY strange face, one that I'd never seen on him before.

**BS: (Paul) (Singing) Trolololololo**

"Um…the doctor needs to see both of us in his office…"

"Why? Are you dying? Are you gonna be okay?"

**BS: (girlfriend) Will this be in between us screwing like rabbits?**

"I'm not dying; I'll be fine. But he NEEDS to see us."

"Alright," I said.

We walked into his office, which smelt heavily of rubbing alcohol, might I add.

**BS: (girlfriend) it also smelled like weed**

The doctor had a very solemn face, which I knew couldn't possibly be a good sign.

**BS: (doctor) (thinking) OMG! It's Paul McCartney! (fangasm)  
><strong>  
>"Mrs. McCartney?" he asked.<p>

"Actually no, we're not exactly married…"

"Oh. Well, your boyfriend here, um, well it's hard to explain. I examined him thoroughly, and I couldn't find anything wrong with him. Then he said that you two had sex the other night, and just on a lark, I ran several more tests on him, and it turns out that the fertilization process worked backwards…"

**BS: So m-preg happened**

Then he brought out a diagram of the female and the male reproductive systems. "You see, your egg traveled out of you and into his penis, where it probably mixed with his sperm right about here. Then it kept going up, and apparently it somehow made it's way into his abdominal cavity and is implanted somewhere in there. Which, would basically mean in plain English, Paul is indeed pregnant."

**BS: HUH?**

"WHAT?"

"Yes, yes, I know that it's hard to believe. I mean, I've never even heard of

**BS: (doctor) So much bullshit in one fanfic!**

this happening before!"

Paul broke down and started crying.

**BS: He had missed the new episodes of MLP:FIM**

I held him close to me in my arms in an attempt to calm and comfort him. It didn't seem to help him much though.

**BS: (girlfriend) Don't worry, there will be reruns**

"Now, Paul will need to be EXTREMELY careful or the baby could crush his internal organs. He doesn't have a uterus like a woman, so the baby is pretty much just in there, except it has implanted itself against the side of one of his organs…it's too small to see now, but when it's big enough to see in an ultra-sound, I will check to see if it is a danger to his health. If it is, then we will have to remove it surgically."

**BS: Hidden meaning= I did not do my research and made this bullshit up on the spot**

Paul shuddered at the sheer thought of needing surgery. "Um…how am I going to give birth? Push it out my dick?"

**BS: My thoughts exactly**

"No no no, it's nothing like that. Since you don't have the same parts as a woman, it wouldn't exactly be a Cesarean section, but we'll still have to cut through your abdominal wall, take the baby out, and repair any damage done. It would be a major surgery, yes, but whatever happens, it will have to be removed surgically."

**BS: So, it'll be pretty much like that scene from "Alien"**

I swallowed hard, hoping that Paul would end up alright.

**BS: Hidden meaning= I hope I can still have loads of hawt secks with him after this  
><strong>  
>"There are many risks with your pregnancy, Mr. McCartney. Are you sure that you want to carry it to term?<p>

"Doctor, I'm already pregnant, I want this baby now! You're not going to take it away from me! This baby is a person too, just like you and me, except smaller. It deserves to live! To get a chance at life! I've always wanted to be a daddy; this is my chance. I'm not going to kill my own child!"

**BS: Dude, didn't you hear the whole part about this being life threatening?**

I could not believe that Paul didn't want to just take that easy way out of this. If I were in his position, I know that I would!

When we got home, all Paul wanted to do was go to bed. I felt bad that he had to go through this. It was probably all my fault.

**BS: No it isn't!**

I should have known something was wrong. Why did I HAVE to have shagged Paul THAT night?

**BS: It was on a lunar eclipse, on a Friday the thirteenth, when all the planets where aligned, on a leap year, during Sozin's commet.**

I really wanted him to get an abortion. I didn't want to risk losing him. But it was his body and his decision, and I just couldn't change that.

**BS: For now, I'm stopping here, because this is an ungodly long one-shot. So, until next time folks.**


	2. A wild Ringo has appeared!

A few weeks later…

"Oww, my stomach hurts," I heard from the bedroom. Poor Paulie…

**BS: The guy from the Rocky movies or Paul McCartney?**

poor, poor Paulie! I went in to see him.

I laid down next to him on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his

**BS: Man boobs!**

bare chest and stomach. I rested my hand on his stomach and I felt a small lump.

**BS: (girlfriend) (thinking) Hmm… Can't tell if baby or pot belly**

It seemed a little high up to be the baby, but I called the doctor anyway, to put my mind at ease.

**BS: (girlfriend) He believes that men have vaginas and that flu can be fixed with a lobotomy, but I still trust him!**

He said that he could see Paul in a few hours, and he told me some things that I could do in the meantime to help ease the pain.

**BS: (girlfriend) Mainly, he told me to get booze, a rag, rope, and a saw**

I went back to Paul, who was now doubled over in pain on the floor.

**BS: (Paul) The fic! It hurts!**

He was screaming; ACTUALLY SCREAMING;

**BS: This sentence was redundant; VERY REDUNDANT**

because it hurt so badly.

**BS: Thank you, Capitan Obvious**

"Paul, you might want to kill me for this, but get on the bed."

**BS: Um, girl, I don't think this is the right time to have sex**

"I CAN'T!" I sat on the edge of the bed, spread my legs so that one was on each side of him, put my hands underneath his armpits and

**BS: Made armpit farts!**

pulled him up onto the bed (which was VERY difficult not only because of his weight, but also because of all the

**BS: Tacos he ate last night**

kicking and squirming he did). When I got him onto the bed, I looked at his face…

**BS: (Paul) HERP DERP HURR!**

he was in tears. I got a few pillows and put them under his bum so his pelvis would be elevated above the rest of his body. It didn't help MUCH, but it got his screaming to dull down to a low whimper.

**BS: Now that I think about it, wouldn't have his neighbors called the authorities or something, with all the screaming that is going on and stuff**

I delicately caressed my fingertips over his bare chest, and I noticed an increasingly large bulge in his pants.

**BS: I don't like where this is going…**

My fingers traveled from his chest, over his stomach, and then to the zipper on his pants.

**BS: Dude, your boyfriend is in pain, this is so not the time to play with his Ding-Dong**

I unzipped his fly and slid down his pants to around his ankles. I felt him through his boxers, and as I did so he reached up and pulled off my blouse.

**BS: OK, this is your last chance, if you don't want to endure a sex scene I suggest you stop reading right this instant. **

I carefully slid off his boxers as he unlatched my bra. I took both of my hands and slowly ran them up and down his penis.

**BS: (Paul)(singing) Oh, you touch my tra-la-la!**

He was getting hard, so hard. As I was doing this, Paul was licking my breasts.

**BS: He was actually trying to find his car keys**

I felt my skirt go now, and then my panties. Right before Paul was going to come, I took him in my mouth at the last second.

**BS: Ewwww!**

His whole body tensed up, and I could feel that as he shot into my mouth, which I hungrily swallowed.

**BS: How much do I bet that she never washes her mouth?**

In the midst of all this, the doorbell was ringing.

**BS: YES!**

Naturally, of all times, it had to be now.

**BS: Yes, lucky me!**

I got him out of my mouth and threw a blanket over him, then I quickly put on a satin robe and headed for the door. When I opened it, I stood face to face with Ringo.

**BS: Just for this, Ringo has taken a level in awesomeness**

"Rich, what are you doing here?"

**BS: (Ringo) I'm here to stop your awful sex scenes and keep people sane**

"I wanted to know why Paul hasn't been to work in weeks!"

**BS: (Ringo) That paperwork isn't going to do itself, you know**

"Um, well, erm, uh, well, he's uhh…sick. Yeah! He's very very sick."

"Oh, what does he have?"

**BS: (girlfriend) Mr. Seahorseitis, and it only occurs to the romantic interest in a fanfic**

"Um, uhh…it's a VERY rare disease…you've probably never heard of it."

**BS: Monkey pox, sheep flu or the Mad-parakeet disease?**

"Oh come now, what's it called?"

"Uhh…maccafetalitis…" I came up with.

**BS: *facepalm***

"Hmm…must be rare; I've never heard of it…is it

**BS: (Ringo) Some bullshit you came up with this very instant?**

contagious?"

"No no no, it's not contagious."

"Can I see him then?"

**BS: (girlfriend) NO! *slams door on Ringo's face***

"Uhh…you come sit in the living room and I'll go ask him." I led him inside to a chair and raced towards the bedroom, where Paul

**BS: Was reenacting Hamlet**

lay on the bed moaning.

**BS: Well, no shit Sherlock**

"Paul, I'm gonna have to take you off the pillow, so you're gonna be in pain for a little bit. Ringo's coming in, so try not to scream, ok?"

**BS: (Paul) I'm sorry love, but I can't hear you over my shrieks of unbelievable pain**

I took the pillow from underneath his bum, and he made a sound very similar to a dog. Since his shirt was just unbuttoned, not off, and he had no other clothes no, so I just put him under the covers of the bed up to his mid- chest.

"Now stay here, and DO NOT SCREAM!" I went after Ringo.

**BS: So Paul can't scream, but you can CAPSLOCK all you want?**

"Ok, come on in. This way…" I said as I led his to the bedroom.

"Paul, you don't look well at all,' Ringo commented.

**BS: (Ringo) You know, with the huge bulge coming out of stomach and stuff**

"I'm not well," Paul managed to squeak out.

**BS: Well, no shit, for a second there I thought you were the healthiest person on this planet**

"Excuse me for asking, but what does maccafetalitis affect?"

**BS: It makes people in a fanfic fall in love with the obvious self-insert**

"Um…" I exchanged a nervous glance with Paul. "It affects…the digestive track. Yeah."

**BS: Oh, please, Ringo isn't stupid enough to swallow that load of bull-**

"Mmm-hmm…well then Paulie, how do you feel?"

**BS: *sighs* Never mind**

"Uncomfortable," he got out.

**BS: (Nostalgia Critic) Understatement of the fucking century**

"Rich, let's get you on your way, shall we? He's going to the doctor's in a little bit and he needs to get ready."

"When will he be able to able to come back to work?"

**BS: (Ringo) He won't get that promotion by missing work**

"I…I really don't know."

**BS: (Ringo) Oh well. Paul, you're fired. Have a nice week!**

"He's going to drive in his condition?"

"No, I'm driving him."

"But you don't have a license!" He had a point there.

"Then what do you suggest I do?"

**BS: Call a cab?**

"I could drive," he offered.

**BS: That works too**

"I need to be with him."

"I'll bring you too then!"

"(sigh) Fine. Come back into the house."

**BS: Wait, they were out of the house during this whole conversation?**

I led him to the kitchen and started a

**BS: Bonfire!**

pot of tea. Once it was on the stove, I went back to Paul.

"Ok, honey, sweetie,

**BS: (girlfriend) Love of my life, cutie pie, snookums, fuzzle wuuzle wuv…**

Ringo's going to drive you to the doctor's instead of me, but I'm still going to go with you. Now, there's only about 45

**BS: (girlfriend) Inches of space left in the car, so you will have to go in the roof**

minutes until your appointment, so if you'd PLEASE put some clothes on, it would be helping me out a LOT.

**BS: AND maybe if you stopped PUTTING emphasis on RANDOM words, it would HELP me.**

"Ok…" he groaned as he difficultly stumbled to the closet.

**BS: So many hiding in the closet jokes I could do…**

I walked back out to Ringo, who was serving himself some of the tea.

**BS: With scones or biscuits?**

"Paul is going out be out here shortly; he needs to get dressed."

**BS: He was having a hard time picking between his Naruto cosplay or his "I'm with stupid" shirt**

Around 20 minutes later…

**BS: For extra fun, every time it cuts to a later scene, try to imagine the narrator from SpongeBob saying it**

"JEN!" I heard Paul scream from the other room.

**BS: So now we finally know her name**

I ran as fast as I could (not even noticing that Ringo was following) to find poor Paulie laying on the floor with his pants halfway up and his jacket undone.

**BS: *wolf whistles***

Paul was now unconscious.

**BS: Will Jen pick another pokemon now?**

"PAUL?" Ringo tried to get Paul up.

**BS: Try screaming in his ear, it always works for getting my friends to wake up!**

"Well let's get him decent before we do anything else." I got Paul's pants while Ringo fixed up Paul's coat.

"Rich, please be REALLY careful with him!"

**BS: (Jen) He is a rare collector's item after all!**

I said as we carried him out to the car. Ringo just thumped him down in the backseat of the car. Because of it, Paul hit his head on the door.

"OW!" Paul yelped, dumbfounded. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

**BS: (Ringo) Well, you were unconscious, so I thought that would wake you up**

I figured out a way to strap Paul into the backseat of the car so that he could keep laying down, and then off we went.

**BS: And cue the theme from Lord of the Rings**

**So once again I must stop for now, but don't worry, I'll be back soon enough**


End file.
